


Broken Wings

by moondancerfay



Category: GOT7, Markgyeom . Fandom
Genre: Angst, Broken Friendship, Darkfic, GOT7_TAROT_19, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Secret love, Thai actor Chonlathorn 'Captain' Kongyingyong, Unrequited Love, incompletion, unfulfillment, yugyeom centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 08:14:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20171038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moondancerfay/pseuds/moondancerfay
Summary: Yugyeom cannot tell his members that he is gay, only Mark really sees him and cares to ask. In a moment of weakness he opens up to the older and breaks down. He was so used to suppress his love for their oldest member by now, but this new situation was destroying him, putting extra pressure on him over the last year, hiding his true self even more from everyone.





	Broken Wings

**Author's Note:**

> If you feel like it: I recommend to listen to Got7s 끝 (The end) while reading as, even though the song sounds kind of cheerful, the lyrics are so sad yet beautiful and they reflect Yugyeom's feelings/state of mind in this fic. Happy reading~

Yugyeom has always felt blessed with his life, with his family and the security and love they gave him, with his childhood friends he still could hang out with sometimes, with his group members who took care of him, nourished him and protected him against all odds. But then, after years of staying together, living in harmony as brothers in one dorm, they grew older and some wanted to stay alone or with their family members. It was hard for Yugyeom to understand why they didn’t like to stay at one place together anymore as it was very practical for their schedules. For him it was a way of fulfillment and he felt home where they were and he really enjoyed staying with them, although it was tough at times, he always had them around if there was a problem. His parents were surely also only a phone call away, but the six older members became his second family and he was truly attached to each of them. Jaebum was from the very beginning his older brother who would always have an open ear and some advice, when he felt bullied by other trainees or had a hard time with the training schedule. As was Jinyoung who would always have a nice word or phrase of encouragement for him and the younger members. The heart of Got7 was and will forever be JJ Project and he felt that from the very beginning. He enjoyed being called president of the JJP fan-club by their fans, and he was quite proud because he probably was their first ever fan-boy.

With the foreign members he could joke, could exchange thoughts and concepts from abroad, could learn and improve. But, over time, his older brothers slowly slipped away and he had to stand on his own two feet. The others grew up somewhere on the way, but Yugyeom didn’t feel like becoming more mature, although his interests shifted and he was curious and open-minded to learn, to experience, but never to be left alone in this process. He felt like he lost himself on the way to becoming an adult. The worst part was that he became more self aware. Even though he became bolder about his image, his appearance, his style – he even got tattoos – there were things he was hiding deep within that he, as the situation was now with all of them living apart, would never share with one of them. Not even Mark who was his closest friend within the group.

The months went by, season after season and all he could do was trying damn hard to not fall apart, not in front of his members, not in front of their fans and definitely not in front of his family. Their brotherhood was gone, at least for him. He was one of the last ones to move out of their once shared dorm, moving in with his older brother. It suited him in the way that he had more privacy, more room to be alone and brood over troublesome things. He somehow lost touch with his inner acceptance and the good, positive side of him. In the past Mark hyung was always there to keep an eye on him, to watch him that he will always be safe and happy, well fed and comfortable. These days were mainly gone. His heart still yearned for the beautiful Californian, but somehow the wounds of disappointment and unrequited love only burned as half as bad now. Yugyeom turned his attention to Asian gay dramas, watching them in all his free time when he wasn’t sleeping or keeping up with social contacts to pretend that he was ok. The past sincere smile he gave his fans long gone. When did his life turn so shallow?

What he encountered in these dramas which kept him at least a little happy he wanted so badly for himself. A true love, a lover that accepted him the way he was, not someone who was after his fame. He knew well that what these dramas depicted was all superficial, not realistic, but nevertheless, it was what he wanted for his life: a person that really loved him for his true self. Yugyeom still believed that love for him existed somewhere. He didn’t want to give up on love, on true love into which he could fall in with all his flaws and be accepted the way he was. But he knew his most precious dream cannot be fulfilled. As long as he lived in Korea, as long as he lived his current life as an idol, the perfect picture his suffering mind made up - the desire to love a man openly and show his real personality to the outside world - will always be somehow incomplete, his fragile soul and deepest desire hidden behind a confident façade.

The night that changed him forever was on a rainy November day after finishing up a concert tour in Thailand. Thanks to Bambam and his crowd of Thai celebrity acquaintances, Yugyeom was introduced to a bunch of extremely handsome looking Asian guys. Among them were young Thai actors, singers, models from Hong Kong and fashion icons from Taiwan. Bambam knew them all and all wanted to be associated with Got7s Thai member. Yugyeom was drinking with amazing people, each one of them having fun, checking out both genders, letting themselves go on the dance floor, taking probably illegal substances of all kinds, forms and colors Yugyeom had never heard of in all his idol career and he better stayed away from them. Thai parties were his favorite. As the night progressed his eyes met several times the ones of an exceptionally beautiful, tall guy, probably Thai. At first, so he thought, their gazes met accidentally, but as the hours ticked away, he felt the other’s eyes on him more often, staring even. And then, the beauty stood next to him, offering him a flute of champagne which he happily accepted. Close up the man was absolutely breath-taking. They conversed a little bit in Korean as the Thai was currently studying it with some difficulty, and English, which he still hadn’t mastered in all these years travelling, conversing inadequately with fans from all around the world. After a while he knew he didn’t even need to look for his members as they were all either damn drunk, somewhere sleeping or they already left with a hot starlet. The young boy, he introduced himself as Captain, was tall, slender and had the same hair length as him. Surprisingly, he was by 3 months younger than the Korean. When they stood next to each other they were the same height, which was remarkable from Yugyeom’s perspective. They emptied one glass after another, stood closer and closer and slowly moved to a very erotic song into the direction of a long, empty couch at the end of the huge room. In the dim light of the dance floor, where only a few couples were slowly dancing by now, he felt the other’s gaze burning his skin, so full of hunger and lust. The attraction between them already started through their gazes across the room and the Korean was relieved that the Thai took the first step to come to him to find out if he was into guys as well. Yugyeom was so turned on from the other, but also nervous where this would lead to so his fingers turned cold, even though he felt hot all over. Before they sat down, the Thai actor pushed Yugyeom softly against the nearest wall, trapping one of his legs in between his own two. They were so close, their breaths ghosting over each other’s faces, their eyes drowning in each other. Yugyeom was quite thankful that the other was so straight forward, because he was extremely shy, never having even kissed a guy. The other’s lips brushed softly against his, dragging the kiss on in a very sensual way. Bit by bit they explored each other’s lips, then mouths and then the Thai gradually traced his skillful wet tongue along his swanlike neck. Yugyeom felt incredible, he was aroused and his heart was beating like crazy. Their bodies somehow moved in sync against each other, nobody speaking a word, lustful sighs and breathy gasps were only heard by them alone since they were that close. Needless to say, they never even made it to the couch. Captain looked Yugyeom for a brief moment deep into his eyes, looking for something, a sign of approval, but he only found the other’s eyes hooded, clouded with longing and desire, his breath shallow and his hands squeezing the Thai’s biceps to make him move, away from this public space. Yugyeom was so gone, but he could feel the other’s heat, his yearning to fuck the Korean. Without hesitation, the Thai took Yugyeom’s hand into his, leading him far down a corridor where the music wasn’t heard anymore. He led him into a wide bedroom with a king size bed, the curtains of the huge glass windows not drawn closed, so they could see over the skyline of Bangkok. They didn’t need to turn on any lamps because the city’s light was bright enough. With a quick movement Captain got rid of his designer blazer, unbuttoning his white dress shirt slowly, Yugyeom following him in his actions until they were only left in boxers, standing across from each other, the air crackling in anticipation. Only then the Thai actor clashed his lips needing onto the Korean dancer’s. They were so hot for each other, exploring and experiencing new things, at least the maknae of Got7 was. Actually, afterwards Yugyeom was super glad that his first time was with someone experienced, because it made it a more pleasurable affair for both of them. The way the man treated him, slowly showing him, gradually touching and guiding him. This was what Yugyeom would have called “making love”, because even though they didn’t know each other beforehand, they fit so well together and the Korean really trusted the younger. Their bodies embraced each other with so much passion that Yugyeom, the moment the other’s heat engulfed him, was about to cry. The waves of pleasure rolled over him and all he could do was moan, then scream and finally give himself over to the feeling of absolute bliss. 

The moments after they just lay there, catching their breaths, staring into each other’s eyes, the same way they started flirting with each other the very night. But this time, something had changed for the young Got7 member. His usually torn, aching heart was quiet. Instead of the pain there was warmth, peace even. The man in front of him was the most beautiful creature he had ever laid eyes upon and right now he didn’t even spend a single thought on Mark. Underneath the expensive suit of the Thai idol was a well toned, muscular body, his skin color a soft natural light brown. Simply perfect. They spent hours in this bed, resting and making love, one time more passionate, another time gentle, then rough until they couldn’t stand their tiredness and exhaustion anymore, and when the sun was about to rise, they fell into a deep slumber, their naked bodies illuminated by the warm light of the morning sun, painting their skin orange and gold.

Some hours later, Yugyeom was the first up and after quickly catching up with his manager through a short phone message he took a shower in the attached bathroom. As soon as he stepped under the stream of steaming water, he felt how his body betrayed him. The incredible sex from last night was enjoyable, but a lot and his body was sore after so many hours of exertion. Even though he was used to practicing choreographies for hours straight, this was absolutely a more draining way of exercise. Nevertheless, he was so content, his mind tranquil as if he was drifting on the calm water of a lake in a deserted forest. The peace and stillness comforted him immensely. And suddenly, it was too much and he started to cry, first silently, then more violently, because that was what he needed all those years. Namely the intimacy, the love and natural attraction. Someone who had only eyes for him, appreciating him, focusing only on the person he truly was without any fame, his name and looks. Someone equal who could share and understand his world. There was something that he couldn’t explain. He fell so deeply in love last night that he didn’t know how to handle this feeling. How would this go on?

When he walked back into the room, the beautiful man looked at him and wasn’t just looking into his eyes, so full of love and admiration, he was looking underneath the mask he had used as an excuse all these years to not be vulnerable and candid, he was directly looking into Yugyeom’s soul. The very essence, the raw form of Yugyeom’s being. And it was a special moment for both of them, because Captain just stood up, embraced the Korean and then kissed him, passionately, showing him physically that he felt the same, that he too fell in love unconditionally. They ended up on the bed again, but this time, lying in each other’s arms, caressing each other, feeling every inch of silken skin, tracing muscles, drawing over the dancer’s tattoos, in the quiet of the room not speaking a single word, letting their feelings just be felt through actions. They were lovingly touching and kissing their thin frames and at the same time healing their souls.

What Yugyeom didn’t know by that time was that the other was also a famous dancer/boy group member and that he was publicly slandered by his ex-girlfriend, even being dragged to court. Not only Yugyeom had deep wounds that needed to be taken care of, the other was a more or less closeted gay man too. What started that night would leave a mark in their hearts forever.

Back in Korea Yugyeom had to understand in a very hurtful way that Bangkok was far away and that, even though they kept constantly in touch, the person he truly wanted to be with was not physically available. The members saw his shift in attitude, his change in attention, his drifting and unfocussed mind. The maknae was all the time with his phone, typing or sending or reading something. Mark tried to talk to him, but the youngest member didn’t open up to him. Even his second closest friend, Bambam, felt left out and kept frowning whenever Yugyeom was distracted.

One night they were out drinking with their staff when Mark approached the maknae. Since both were quite drunk Mark used the chance and joined the younger when he was sitting a little apart from their group on a step in the patio, once more texting, to question him again. He didn’t let it go and interrogated him what really was going on in his life, how and why he changed so much. Yugyeom became very emotional thinking of his lover who was more than five hours away by plane. Instead of feeling whole because of him, he felt lonely and empty, because the person that completed him wasn’t present. It hurt in a different way and looking into Mark’s eyes, the one person in this world he always wanted to be with but was rejected by, the person he couldn’t be with ever, showed him that even though he had someone who truly loved him and was more or less within reach, being together was once more not possible. Before Mark was able to do anything, the youngest member of Got7 leaned on his shoulder and cried. The pain flooded the suddenly broken dam, this burden of keeping a secret relationship was too much for him, so he opened up to the only person – besides his lover – who would be able to understand him.

Mark would bring him to his own place, because he was sure that the younger wasn’t in the state to be left alone or with his older brother in their apartment and besides, he felt so guilty. The older was well aware of Yugyeom’s crush on him, but he couldn’t help him. He wasn’t into guys and definitely not into his team member who was like his little brother in a way. He didn’t love him in a romantic sense and it hurt him as well to have to refuse him and his feelings. He simply couldn’t return the kind of affection Yugyeom wanted from him and this made their relationship within the group difficult. The look in the younger’s eyes always spoke so many words to him and he was sad and bitter to be the reason for Yugyeom’s misery. He felt so bad, he helped Yugyeom out of his shoes and lay him down on his huge bed, where the younger fell asleep instantly. Mark sat next to him, admiring the younger’s beautiful features. He grew up so fast, became so mature under his eyes, started reading and exploring new things, developing his skills and meeting many new people. The older knew it too; they slowly grew apart, drifted into different directions. He wasn’t as close to their maknae as he used to be and through that Yugyeom suffered too. Even though he had his older brother and his family more these days, the eldest member knew their youngest missed them all desperately, missed his group members just hanging out, doing stupid things and simply enjoying working together like in the past. He wished to know what to do. He wanted the maknae closer, but was scared that their closeness would be going too far and being misunderstood by Yugyeom, but he also wanted to give the younger space to develop, grow and be free, even though this meant growing apart even further, something Mark was dreadfully anxious about. He didn’t want to lose their youngest entirely. When he became so introverted over the last weeks it scared the hell out of him and he didn’t know what to do. Approaching him while hurting him or staying away and hurting both of them, probably more himself? Either way he felt incomplete. Yugyeom had been such an important part of his life over the last seven years from when they were trainees up until now. Walking the trails of their memories together, missing the old times when they were so close. Along the way Yugyeom fell in love with him which was eventually partly his fault when he showered their youngest with affection and love. But he didn’t mean for them to end up like this, not being able to fulfill Yugyeom’s desires and wishes. It is true what they say that you only know how precious something is once you lose it and Mark painfully had to realize that it was their special friendship and closeness they lost on the way. Drifting away from each other, all their memories dispersed, only a raw emptiness was left. Is it the final end for them? A single tear rolled down the porcelain colored cheek of Got7’s oldest member and he let his head hang low, his long, slender fingers clasping around Yugyeom’s tender wrist. It was so hard to let go what kept your heart warm and happy for so many years. 

**Author's Note:**

> Congratulations to you for making it 'til the end! I know, I know it's a very sad story, but what can I do I got the reversed card and had to write about something depressing... anyway, life is not exactly a bowl of cherries every day... ;) Thanks for reading!


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